Author Archives: Christene

Getting Your Child to Sit Still… Sort Of

I have several friends with small children, and it has occurred to me that they believe at Thanksgiving tomorrow evening they will be having dinner with extended family and friends. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but children younger than four (and sometimes older), will not sit through an entire Thanksgiving dinner. Or any dinner for that matter.

Small children  need to be entertained throughout. Forget getting them to actually eat the entire time, but simply having them sit relatively still at the table while you get a few bites will require an entire circus performance on your part. However, it can be done. I have done it before, and I plan on doing it again tomorrow.
You know that saying about idle hands and the devil, and something like that? Well, it *is* like that. The best and only tip I have for you and keeping your small children seated is to not allow them to get bored, because that is when they take it upon themselves to scream, cry, fidget, play with food, etc.
Pick a few toys (preferably plastic and/or easy to clean) that your child loves to play with and bring them to the table. Don’t give your child all of the toys at once as he will get bored of all of them simultaneously.
Once dinner is served, have the little one eat which should take a bit of time. Once they are done you will probably still be eating. Hand your child a toy. He will play with it for a while, and then get bored and start fussing. As long as you have several toys that you can trade out, this should keep him busy for some time.
The only caveat is that this will only work for about an hour at most, after which the child will be restless. If you have the sort of child that at this point will take a nap, or be okay just sitting on your lap while you continue on, then that is wonderful. If you don’t have such a child, then get up and walk around/play with the child away from the table for a bit. Chances are just a little movement will suffice to calm restlessness and general fussiness.
Yes, you will have to repeat the above all night in roughly hour intervals. But it is not so bad. And better than the alternative.

Here You Go…

I was talking to my mom the other night, and despite her general odd way of saying things she has been around a while, and has done and seen quite a bit, so for the most part (and I hate to admit this) she is usually right.

My mother has always had this strange fascination with how relationships work, or better stated, don’t work, despite the fact that, to my knowledge, she has never been with anyone except my dad.

As she was once again discussing her favorite subject, she began by reiterating some of the main causes that ruin relationships. I will share a bit of her wisdom on marriage (a lot of which took me years to figure out myself).

If you happen to be with a particularly needy person it is a good idea not to allow them to think you will spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with them. They will be sorely disappointed when you don’t, and a lot of fights could have been averted if you had made it clear from the beginning that that is just not your thing.

Pick your battles. The other person will be flawed, they will do things to annoy you, they won’t have all the traits you desire, and you will just have to accept some of these things as they are, because you have the same faults.

It is always a bad idea to give the other person full access to your bank account. Especially if you make more than them.

Your friends are not their friends, and vice versa. Should you break up, the divide will be clear, at least among good friends. The acquaintances may stagger both sides.

Pets are important. They are not accessories. If they don’t like cats, or are allergic to cats, and you have fifty of them, it will be a problem. (Although if you have fifty cats it is most likely already a problem).

If your significant other controls you, it is because you are allowing it.

Relationships are sometimes like harems. It comes and goes, but as long as you are the favorite, the others aren’t of consequence. My mother used a different example which I don’t remember in its entirety, but I will share a similar one from the Wife of Bath (my own translation): allowing another to light their candle from your lantern will not diminish your own light. Make of this what you will. Even though I have heard this sentiment from her on numerous occasions, I cannot tell you how it makes me feel. I don’t know.

If the other person is abusing you, accepting their apology is most likely an acceptance for the abuse to continue. Because it probably will. And they will keep apologizing for it.

Jewelry does not make things better. It only makes you temporarily forget. Also, keep the jewelry. Don’t be stupid and give it back, or throw it at them. If whatever they have done merits jewelry, then you have earned it. I would like to add that the same goes for men, except from my experience men mostly receive intangible or short lived gifts (i.e. amazing dinner), to which the second part of this rule does not apply. However, if it comes between throwing your dinner at her, or eating it, I would suggest the latter – there is never a reason to waste good food.

It doesn’t matter how much time you spend together, if it is always at home, even home-bodies will get bored. Maybe it is just me, but there is something very special about going out with your significant other. It doesn’t matter how many years you have married, the process is the thing.

You did not marry a psychic (unless, of course, you did, in which case disregard this point). Verbally expressing your wants and needs makes everything more clear, for you and them. They may or may not be able to fix whatever problem you are having. They may or may not be willing to fix whatever problem you are having. But now you know where you stand.

Not all of these apply to everyone, and not everyone will believe all or any of this makes sense. But hopefully at least some of this will help someone.

A Bump In the Road

Sometimes the best way to learn is from experience, and experiences, especially those that frighten and remain ingrained. Last night as I was driving home, another car hit mine, which I guess qualifies as an experience. I was driving in her blind spot and she went to change lanes, swerving right into me.

I remember my first accident, in Calabasas, only a few months after having gotten my license, as I miscalculated the braking distance/speed and rear-ended the Mercedes in front of me. A stop sign sits at the top of a hilly area – even now when I drive past it I remember that day when I had to accelerate my Daewoo to make it up the hill, and then could not stop once there.

The man in the dark grey Mercedes, Mark, was visibly upset. He didn’t even pull over, just stepped out of his car, marched to the back of it examining the damage I had done, shifting his gaze between his rear bumper, my front bumper, and me. I was shaking and nearly in tears. I had insurance which would now quadruple as a testament to my bad driving; but I was more distraught because instead of angry he looked disappointed. Even though, judging from his pursed lips, he obviously was quite angry. If apologizing would have made things better, I would have done it a hundred times. But I knew it wouldn’t.

He stopped examining his car, long enough to pull out his wallet looking expectantly at me to do the same, except I was still staring at the bumper of his car, not really looking at it anymore, but contemplating the implications of what just happened. I knew the word “negligent” would get tossed around a lot.

Yes, I had just learned how to drive, in my twenties, later than other people I knew, for multiple reasons all having to do with others attempting to control me and consequently where I went. But standing there in my hot pink cut-offs, glitter top and sandals I looked much  younger. I looked like a fifteen year old, and a particularly inept one at that.

I tried to write down his information, but all I got was “Mark” who lived not far from where we were then. On anther hill just like the one we were stopped on, and  just as deserted (not a single other car came our way this entire time, despite that we were in the middle of the street). The idea of others witnessing any of this was terrifying, and I could just hear that word reverberate… negligent.

That word implies laziness and carelessness and I took offense, because I had not been those things, but simply, for lack of a better term, dumb. Picture Cher from everyone’s favorite nineties’s movie, and you would understand.

So as my car got hit last night, I thought of my first accident, I thought of the way it turned out, and I thought about the lesson I learned that day. Mark never called the insurance company, and despite driving a much nicer car than I had at the time, never asked me for money to fix the dent my licence plate put into his rear bumper, and simply insisted that I practice my braking, suggesting that I don’t brake all at once, but rather in short bursts, leading up to the stop.

The girl who hit my car yesterday was just as inexperienced as I had been, even younger, and terrified. “Negligent” came to my mind. But not in the way you think, or how others might use it in this case; I felt bad because the term would most likely get applied to her, and I didn’t think she was. And I don’t mean that I wasn’t angry, because I was, and I was frustrated on top of that. She just made my long day longer. But what was anger going to solve?

Just like Mark that day overrode his anger and instead imparted advice, I thought I would do the same. Since neither of us had been driving very fast it was more of a bump than an actual accident; even the kids hadn’t felt anything, but instead were amusing themselves in the back seat. As the driver of the other car was stammering apologies she reminded me of a younger version of myself while helping me envision a future version of my daughter (hopefully minus the accident part of things).

She pulled out her purse and presented all of her documents, even ones I would not need (although it is good to know she donates blood to the Red Cross on a regular basis). Interestingly, moments before she appeared flushed, and then as she held out the contents of her wallet, seemingly confused about the proper things she should hand over, her face looked as though her blood had been completely drained out. Holding her license I noticed she had a pretty name.

I was tired, it was late, my car isn’t exactly in its prime anymore, so I handed her things back to her and told her to always look over her shoulder when changing lanes, with no exceptions.

I examined my car once more – and this dent is really no worse than what I have already done to the car myself – and then I told her we were done.

To lighten the intensity of the incident, although probably not intentionally, Ally leaned out of the car to let everyone know she can taste the dent, and not to worry because it was probably caused by the raccoons she heard in the trunk earlier. Everyone, including Ally and Ducky, started laughing, and the relief was practically palpable. The other driver sniffled her tears away. This was the first time she realized there were children in the car and began thanking several deities that they had not gotten hurt; not to mention I would have been a lot less lenient if that had happened.

As she was getting back into her car she thanked me again and promised to always look over her shoulder, even when there is no one around. I just hope she does.