Ex husband and I had a bad row last night. It seems he hadn’t made our divorce public, and I have been blogging about it so a lot of his friends had to find out like that. They have been calling him lately to see what is going on and he felt upset. Honestly I didn’t know he hadn’t told everyone, or that he wasn’t telling people right now. If I had, I wouldn’t have posted those blogs. Really, I wouldn’t have.

Yes, I know I am posting this, but at this point it doesn’t matter anymore.

He has been surprisingly very good about everything so I wouldn’t have done anything so callous. I thought it was out. I have been posting almost everything I have written, with very few exceptions, under the impression that everyone knew. According to the fight we had, everyone did know, and that was the problem. Talking with his friends he realized he was the last to know. Apparently I am terrible at hiding things, not to mention people aren’t stupid, so everyone guessed long ago. He had his suspicions, and even as I elided the truth in our divorce discussions, he told me flat out that he knew. He was just hoping others didn’t. He at least hoped others would be surprised, but they weren’t. Even worse, no one seemed to blame me, and I guess that made him angry.

If you know me, you know that I rarely shout, and screaming at me elicits silence. I have found that when people are angry like that engaging them only makes it worse. So I sit patiently, wait for the anger to dissipate, and then if talking is needed it can be done. This time I had nothing to say. It wasn’t really much of a row. He started out mean, and I met his unkindness with quips of my own. He said what he needed, and I had no response. I said I was sorry I had broken the news the way I did. I really was, and I am. As for his friends knowing? Well, I didn’t tell them.

He told me what he thinks I really am. I didn’t reply, but frankly I would rather be that than nothing.