Today I was going to….

Today I was going to write an awesome post about potty training your child. Except I don’t know how to do that properly. If I did, my daughter would be potty trained already. We are still working on it.
So, I sat down, and decided that instead, I am going to write about ways to sleep train your baby.  I would create a very aesthetically pleasing bullet point how-to sheet every mother could use. Then I realized I clearly have no clue there either. If I did, my son would be sleeping through the night, and I would not be so sleep deprived.
Which is probably why I am coming up with fictitious topics in the first place.
I racked my brain trying to find topics I actually know something about. Oh I know! I would write about putting on make-up! I am exceptionally good at it. Except, what does that have to do with parenting? My daughter is WAY too young to be putting on make-up…. Unless I turned into one of the crazy pageant moms. In which case, she would be the perfect age. But if she was a pageant mini beauty, then I would not necessarily want to share my make-up tricks with the world because then other babies would be putting on their make-up the same way, and then my daughter would no longer have an edge in the pageant world. And she would be a has-been of beauty before she even turns four. She would grow up with all sorts of complexes and confidence issues, all thanks to my thoughtless post almost two decades earlier. Clearly I cannot write about putting on make-up. Too much is at stake.
Zombies. I know absolutely nothing about zombies. But I heard they are a thing now. People are talking about them. ButI know some stuff about parenting. So I could totally write about baby zombies. Except they don’t exist. Not the zombies, they totally exist according to rumours, but the baby zombies, they don’t exist. If we were to ever have an apocalypse, and a zombie take-over would occur, babies would be the ones to survive. So we can cross that off the list.
Arts and crafts are a wonderful topic. Safe. Matronly/motherly, whatever. Perfect for a mommy blog. Perfect for my target audience. Which is not to say I actually have a target audience. Because I don’t. I am not organized or focused enough to come up with one of those. But, nevertheless, arts and crafts are a great subject. They can apply to anyone. I tried to remember the last artsy thing I made. I wanted to surprise my mother-in-law with a stocking stuffer of a one of those cute clay discs that has your kid’s hand/footprint on it. Munchie came home from daycare with one of those last year and my MIL loved it. So I thought Ducky should make one for her too. The clay hardened as I was mixing it. It crumbled everywhere and invaded our kitchen counter before making its way into the trash. My son’s hands/feet never got anywhere near it. Ok, minor setback. What else did I make? I am in the process of making Ducky a baby blanket. At this rate, it will be done before his tenth birthday, by which point it will be way too small for him. Maybe if we stop feeding him he won’t grow much between now and then. Or I could just make a bigger blanket. But then it will take even longer to make, and it won’t be ready until his twentieth birthday. And by then he will be even bigger, so it still won’t fit him. Um…I will get back to this one.
So I was going to write about something. It would have been witty, informative, entertaining, maybe insightful. Maybe tomorrow. Or in a few months when I get this potty training business under control. Then I will have a brilliant post outlining just what I did to get there. As of right now, not a whole lot. But I will keep you posted.

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