Category Archives: Uncategorized

Tips

glass

Dear men, when taking a woman out, especially for the first time, here are a few things to keep in mind so a woman might want to see you again.

~Groom yourself. We don’t all all want to date Ken dolls, but the “I just rolled out of bed” look doesn’t work for most people. If you were well groomed when we accepted the date request, chances are we liked how you looked then. On your first date, do that again.

~We don’t necessarily expect to be taken out to a five star restaurant, but a step above Chili’s would be nice. Cheap *and* good is very possible, you just have to find the right place.

~Candid conversation is always welcome, especially since first dates are awkward, but asking us if we have in any way been damaged in certain areas by childbirth is never, ever okay. Just don’t. And if you are thinking it, just keep that thought to yourself.

~Do not pull out your phone to show us pictures of your ex girlfriend. And under no circumstances hold your phone up next to us and try to compare. It doesn’t matter that you decide we are prettier than her. You just lost like five hundred points. In return, we won’t mention that we still want the man who was before you. Everyone wins.

~Don’t act shocked that we are older than you thought we were, especially if you are considerably older than us. “Oh, wow, I didn’t realize you were that old” is absolutely, under no circumstances ever a good thing to say to a woman.  The appropriate response is always “oh, I thought you were 18!” Always.

~When you keep groping for us and we keep pulling away, take that as a hint. If we haven’t run out the door yet, be nice.

~Believe it or not, not all of us care about how much money you have. If you have a lot, good for you. A laundry list of everything you own is not interesting for us. Tell us about yourself, not your stuff.

~If you are better educated than us, don’t belittled us for it. That’s mean. We are not “cute” women trying to get “big” degrees. Just shut up. (Why haven’t we left yet?)

~When we say good night and try to get into our cars, don’t grab at us some more. And don’t be so stunned when our heels find your shins. In fact, you should be glad our knees didn’t find anything.

~If you go on a date with a woman and she looks like she just escaped the clutches of Hell at the end of the evening, don’t text her right afterwards and ask when you can do this again. If you don’t know, the answer is never.

21 Things

 Hedgehogs02

Buzzfeed just came up with a new list, 21 Signs You’ve Been British Too Long. Well, I haven’t been British at all, however, after looking at the list I am beginning to think I am secretly British, have been at it for perhaps too long, and probably should do something about it.

Not all apply, but here is their list, with my commentary.

1. You’re angry that the Canadians have stolen our stereotype of being polite, but you’re too polite to say anything about it. 

I am in fact too polite to say many things, however I harbor no animosity towards Canadians for their politeness.

2. On at least one occasion you have thrown the teabag in the sink and the spoon in the bin. 

Yes. Several times. And considering I don’t drink tea except in winter (which doesn’t seem to exist anymore), the fact that I have done this on multiple occasions is more a testament to my spaciness than an indication of my being British.

3. You have been known to applaud sarcastically when your train arrives 20 minutes late. 

I have not taken public transport in many years, but even so I think I would just sit quietly and wait.

4. This infuriates you in more ways than you can describe: Keep Calm and put milk in your tea first. 

Actually yes, that does irk me.

5. So does this: Day-Month- Year versus Month-Day-Year. 

I am impartial.

6. You often find yourself dropping everything and running outside to look at hedgehogs. 

If there were actually hedgehogs outside, I would definitely drop everything to go see.

7. You don’t know how to react when you ask someone how they’re doing and they say something other than “Fine, thanks.” 

I always thought this was an American thing. As long as you don’t burst into tears I am well equipped to handle whatever you tell me. But please,  no tears.

8. You are enraged you see two buses pass each other on the road and the drivers don’t wave at each other. 

I think “enraged” is a very strong word here. I don’t even know if I would think about something like that.

9. You have apologized to an empty room because the person you were looking for wasn’t in it. 

Yes, I have. I apologize for everything, all the time, so I suppose it’s just a habit. Sorry you had to read this.

10. You’re worried that the person at the Tesco checkout thinks you’re saying “I don’t know” rather than “I don’t, no,” when being asked if you have a Club card, thus making yourself look like a brainless imbecile. 

This has actually happened. Not at Tesco per se, but you get the idea.

11. You know the dark, existential anguish of eating a Penguin and accidentally throwing away the wrapper without remembering to look at the joke. 

I have never thrown away the wrapper before reading the joke. But then again, I have only ever eaten a Penguin once. In case you were wondering, it was delicious.

12. And it secretly bothers you that there’s not a white chocolate version of Penguins called Polar Bears. 

I feel Penguins should come in all varieties. When it come to chocolate, I do not discriminate.

13. It bothers you that microwaves don’t come with the Countdown theme installed.

No. Just no.

14. You often have occasion to be sad that your fingers are now too large to properly fit Hula Hoops on.

Nope, my fingers are just the right size for playing with my snacks.

15.  It takes you ten minutes to write a one line email because you’re constantly worry that you’ll sound too formal/informal/patronising/rude.

Welcome to my work day. Every day.

16.  You have had the experience of going to make a cup of tea and realizing halfway through making it that you already had a cup you hadn’t finished yet.

While I have done this with tea, I usually do this with coffee. And British people don’t just drink tea all day, you know.

17. And you’ve also had the world shattering experience of going to drink your tea and finding out you’ve already drunk it.

See above.

18. You often find yourself apologizing to innocent people standing NEAR the queue, just in case you’ve accidentally jumped in front of them.

I hover around, figuring out the situation without intruding into their space. Queues are very confusing.

19. You’re slightly upset that you weren’t actually given any say in ASDA’s “Chosen by You” range.

No, not at all.

20. You have said “Thank you” to a cashpoint.

I may have.

21. And you still miss Woolworths.

Only been once, and I have to say, I kind of liked it.

Hrm…  this sounds like a high percentage of general British behavior. Maybe. Am I going to do anything about it? Other than post this blog, no. Enjoy!

Waiting

peace

So I am still waiting for grad schools to respond. Even though I have been accepted to one, it is my fourth choice, and my first choice just has me on an ambiguous waitlist. Haven’t heard anything from the other two. In the event that the waitlist turns into a rejection (altogether a good possibility), I am very much hoping for an acceptance from the other two while trying not to get too excited about anything. One of my friends just heard back from a school we both applied to; they have started responding which makes a bit hyper.  As the weeks move along I am growing more impatient as if my impatience will reward me with some sort of positive response.

In attempting to distract/amuse myself I have devised a list of activities to undertake during the waiting process.

Sewing

I have many cardigans, coats, skirts and clothing items in general that have been left unused simply because they are missing a button. Considering my sewing skills are nonexistent at best, figuring out how to reattach errant buttons should occupy a nice chunk of my time.

Basket Weaving

My cats love sleeping in baskets, and I don’t feel like I have enough (read: any). In an attempt to elevate the kitties’ standard of living, and simultaneously waste, er, I mean, productively spend some time, I shall use YouTube to learn the fine art of basketry.

Cartwheels

I can’t imagine being prepared for any school without perfecting my cartwheels. In fact, I don’t think I can do a cartwheel, so this is more a matter of learning how rather than honing existing skills. Due to my lack of overall balance, coordination, and flexibility, if I don’t happen to land myself in the hospital I will have a wonderful new talent to put on my resume in the “Other Skills” section along with basket weaving and button sewing. You know, for that farmland homemaker position I have been dying for. And, should I fail miserably and land awkwardly on my first attempt (as if there is anything I don’t do awkwardly), then I can distract myself from the waiting process by getting my bones to mend while in bed. Everyone wins.

Candy Making

I do love baking, and candy is the best. Then I can either eat all of my candy and send myself into a sugar coma, waking up only upon receiving results, or I can save the candy to either console a rejection, or celebrate an acceptance. Maybe if I make enough candy I can do both.

Sleeping

This isn’t necessarily related to the waiting process – I just simply need more sleep. However, staying up late to compulsively check my email for a response is probably not helping anyone, especially myself, so sleeping should put an end to this.

Origami

This is actually a legitimate thing. I have wanted to make little origami swans for many years, and what better time to start than now? Besides, it might give my cats the illusion of bird hunting.

So, while I am creating all sorts of art projects bound to go awry, and bending myself all out of shape, time will pass, responses (for better or worse) will come, and in a few months from now I will be starting school again. All is well in Christeneland.