21 Things


Buzzfeed just came up with a new list, 21 Signs You’ve Been British Too Long. Well, I haven’t been British at all, however, after looking at the list I am beginning to think I am secretly British, have been at it for perhaps too long, and probably should do something about it.

Not all apply, but here is their list, with my commentary.

1. You’re angry that the Canadians have stolen our stereotype of being polite, but you’re too polite to say anything about it. 

I am in fact too polite to say many things, however I harbor no animosity towards Canadians for their politeness.

2. On at least one occasion you have thrown the teabag in the sink and the spoon in the bin. 

Yes. Several times. And considering I don’t drink tea except in winter (which doesn’t seem to exist anymore), the fact that I have done this on multiple occasions is more a testament to my spaciness than an indication of my being British.

3. You have been known to applaud sarcastically when your train arrives 20 minutes late. 

I have not taken public transport in many years, but even so I think I would just sit quietly and wait.

4. This infuriates you in more ways than you can describe: Keep Calm and put milk in your tea first. 

Actually yes, that does irk me.

5. So does this: Day-Month- Year versus Month-Day-Year. 

I am impartial.

6. You often find yourself dropping everything and running outside to look at hedgehogs. 

If there were actually hedgehogs outside, I would definitely drop everything to go see.

7. You don’t know how to react when you ask someone how they’re doing and they say something other than “Fine, thanks.” 

I always thought this was an American thing. As long as you don’t burst into tears I am well equipped to handle whatever you tell me. But please,  no tears.

8. You are enraged you see two buses pass each other on the road and the drivers don’t wave at each other. 

I think “enraged” is a very strong word here. I don’t even know if I would think about something like that.

9. You have apologized to an empty room because the person you were looking for wasn’t in it. 

Yes, I have. I apologize for everything, all the time, so I suppose it’s just a habit. Sorry you had to read this.

10. You’re worried that the person at the Tesco checkout thinks you’re saying “I don’t know” rather than “I don’t, no,” when being asked if you have a Club card, thus making yourself look like a brainless imbecile. 

This has actually happened. Not at Tesco per se, but you get the idea.

11. You know the dark, existential anguish of eating a Penguin and accidentally throwing away the wrapper without remembering to look at the joke. 

I have never thrown away the wrapper before reading the joke. But then again, I have only ever eaten a Penguin once. In case you were wondering, it was delicious.

12. And it secretly bothers you that there’s not a white chocolate version of Penguins called Polar Bears. 

I feel Penguins should come in all varieties. When it come to chocolate, I do not discriminate.

13. It bothers you that microwaves don’t come with the Countdown theme installed.

No. Just no.

14. You often have occasion to be sad that your fingers are now too large to properly fit Hula Hoops on.

Nope, my fingers are just the right size for playing with my snacks.

15.  It takes you ten minutes to write a one line email because you’re constantly worry that you’ll sound too formal/informal/patronising/rude.

Welcome to my work day. Every day.

16.  You have had the experience of going to make a cup of tea and realizing halfway through making it that you already had a cup you hadn’t finished yet.

While I have done this with tea, I usually do this with coffee. And British people don’t just drink tea all day, you know.

17. And you’ve also had the world shattering experience of going to drink your tea and finding out you’ve already drunk it.

See above.

18. You often find yourself apologizing to innocent people standing NEAR the queue, just in case you’ve accidentally jumped in front of them.

I hover around, figuring out the situation without intruding into their space. Queues are very confusing.

19. You’re slightly upset that you weren’t actually given any say in ASDA’s “Chosen by You” range.

No, not at all.

20. You have said “Thank you” to a cashpoint.

I may have.

21. And you still miss Woolworths.

Only been once, and I have to say, I kind of liked it.

Hrm…  this sounds like a high percentage of general British behavior. Maybe. Am I going to do anything about it? Other than post this blog, no. Enjoy!

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