Category Archives: marriage

Office Pool

Today I found out there was an office pool going on. People were betting on how long my marriage would last. It started years ago, and no one ever told me about it until now. I guess now it doesn’t matter any more.

The longest anyone thought was two years. I outlasted all of their bets by two and a half years.

Everyone lost.

I don’t know the details of it, didn’t really want to know. In fact I was a bit angry about it. Seriously?

All I know is that the shortest anyone betted was three months, and the longest was two years. Who betted what? I don’t want to know.

At first I thought they were joking. When I realize they weren’t I got mad. Most of these people were at my wedding, wishing me well. And then gambling against me behind my back.

I used to get upset at the people who blatantly spoke against everything from the beginning. I got upset with Tanya when I emailed her hours after I took the pregnancy test and told her what I had decided. She emailed back within minutes, harshly admonishing me for my hasty decision. She told me she understands how badly I want to have children, but marriage wasn’t the only solution. Numerous other people responded the same way, and I was mad at all of them because I thought they didn’t want me to be happy.

But today, finding out about the office pool, which was better? Those who did not hesitate to try to help me, or those who congratulated me openly while plotting my failure?

Yes, everyone saw the same thing, but the difference is in how they handled it. I have to admit that from some I would expect no less. But there were those who I thought better of.

Like I have always said, I am the most optimistic pessimist. Constantly expecting the worst, but still hoping for the best.

It Went Somewhere

I was talking to my friend today about her relationship that is apparently going nowhere. She has been with him for almost six years without a proposal in sight. She is frustrated and doesn’t want to continue on without knowing where it will go. I thought about it for a bit, and realized there was a time when I would have reacted the same. Six years without the prospect of marriage would have been completely unacceptable. In fact, I would not have made it to the six year mark.

But that is the funny thing about relationships, they are always going somewhere, just not in always in one direction. They fluctuate, stagnate, progress, regress. They are always in motion. Sometimes they don’t seem to be moving except across time. But sometimes that is just fine. Sometimes the point where you are is a good point, and it doesn’t need to go anywhere else because you are where you need to be. In her case she wants to be elsewhere. But progress isn’t always good. Often relationships head towards marriage. Then what? Is that the end? Does the relationship stop when you are married? Is it supposed to? Relationships don’t have a finish line. I think that is when they end, and then they don’t exist anymore. So what are you progressing towards? So you get married. Then what? Do you still want it to go somewhere? You get a divorce. It went somewhere. Happy now?

I tried to explain that she is too focused on the future to enjoy the present. The present might not always be good either, but it can be.

She didn’t understand what I was trying to tell her, so I sent her a song instead. I sent her this Tina Dico song. She said it was a pretty song. Yes, it is.

I Have All The Answers

Tonight, if someone asked me what makes for a good marriage, I would be like a third grade kid with my hand in the air, yelling “oooohh.. ohh.. I know! I know! Pick me!” Yes, I know what makes for the perfect marriage.
I have known for some time now, but tonight, I feel so certain I want to share it. Laughter. That is what makes the days flow by. This is what keeps the relationship strong. It is what makes all the fights, all the misunderstandings, and crying fits, pale in comparison.
After we put the kids to bed I was sitting on the couch watching Jeopardy when hubby started messing around in the kitchen. I yelled out “I know what you are doing!” If you had been here, judging from the amount of noise he was making, you would have guessed he was building a nuclear explosive device to start World War III. However, I know him, and knew he was simply fixing himself an innocuous drink. But something made me want to yell out jokingly “I know what you are doing!”
Maybe it was the way I said it, or the tone of my voice, but regardless, he started laughing. Then I started laughing. A few minutes later as I was heading for the fridge to grab some frosting (because I like eating it straight out of the can), he yelled out “I know what you are doing,” leading to a cascade of giggling and laughing, and most likely a new inside joke for us.
It is moments like this that I realize we have a pretty good marriage. We make each other laugh, despite, or in spite of everything.
By the way, just so you don’t think our marriage is perfect, I am secretly hissing at him right now because I am typing this on his computer, and for whatever reason he has his documents settings set on the tiniest font imaginable, and I have been squinting this entire time. He must have a secret ant farm and he is teaching all of them to read.
P.S. Yes, I know I could have simply changed his settings so I can actually see what I am writing.
P.P.S. Due to the microscopic nature of this document from my point of view, please ignore the typos.