Category Archives: letter

A Letter To Ducky

Dear Ducky,
Mommy loves you, but please stop growing. Of course I want you to grow up broad and sturdy. I want you to be tall, and generally well built. But you have time. You do not need to put on a lifetimes’ worth of weight before your first birthday. You are nine months old wearing twenty-four months clothes.
Aside from the fact that I can’t shop fast enough to replace your clothes, I am also running out of space to store all the clothes you can’t fit into any more. Including the ones you never even got a chance to wear (just in case there is another one of you down the line).
Also, you need to work on this crawling business. Not because I am worried about your development. I am sure you will get there eventually. But since you can’t crawl or walk, I have to carry you. Everywhere. And you are heavy. You weigh more than your two year old sister. I thank you for the really buff arms I now have, and the six pack belly that I am sure you contributed to, but my back hurts, and my arms are sore. And I am exhausted.
Also, we need to work on your sleeping habits. Meaning you need to sleep more. At night. This whole waking up ever hour or less trend is not working. I am exhausted. Your father is exhausted. How are you not exhausted? Do we need to enroll you in baby aerobics so you can burn off some of that excess energy? We would be glad to do it.
So you see, Ducky, mommy and daddy love you dearly. We are just asking for some effort on your part. I didn’t want to burden you, or make you feel like you are not a good baby. So I haven’t said anything. But you are now nine months old, and ready for the truth. Even though to me you are always going to be perfect, there is always room for improvement.
With love,
Mom
P.S. In a few months you are probably going to be obsessed with Elmo like your sister is. Please don’t. 

A Letter To My Children

Dear Munchie and Ducky,
On most nights you both seem rather upset by your bedtimes. You fight going to bed as if your lives depended on it. Teary and red eyed, exhausted, and practically delirious you make your last stands. I think you two feel as though by going to bed you will be missing out on a lot of interesting, important, and amusing activities in the living room.
Unfortunately, I think it is time we told you, you are right. Most of the fun activities happens after we put you to bed.
You know that board game we told you to leave alone because it is really boring? We lied. We just didn’t want you losing all the tiny pieces. It is what we do after you are asleep.
Those voices you think you may have heard while half dreaming? They are usually the TV (because we don’t just watch Yo Gabba Gabba, we have our own shows), but once in a while, we have people over, and we have a party. And as much as we love you, you are not invited.
Aside from the soda you are not allowed to have, there is this thing called rum. We mix it with the soda every once in a while to unwind after you have been complaining, screaming, and whining for the past three hours.
I am sorry we have to tell you this, but we feel you are old enough. Sleep tight!