Mommy loves you, but please stop growing. Of course I want you to grow up broad and sturdy. I want you to be tall, and generally well built. But you have time. You do not need to put on a lifetimes’ worth of weight before your first birthday. You are nine months old wearing twenty-four months clothes.
Aside from the fact that I can’t shop fast enough to replace your clothes, I am also running out of space to store all the clothes you can’t fit into any more. Including the ones you never even got a chance to wear (just in case there is another one of you down the line).
Also, you need to work on this crawling business. Not because I am worried about your development. I am sure you will get there eventually. But since you can’t crawl or walk, I have to carry you. Everywhere. And you are heavy. You weigh more than your two year old sister. I thank you for the really buff arms I now have, and the six pack belly that I am sure you contributed to, but my back hurts, and my arms are sore. And I am exhausted.
Also, we need to work on your sleeping habits. Meaning you need to sleep more. At night. This whole waking up ever hour or less trend is not working. I am exhausted. Your father is exhausted. How are you not exhausted? Do we need to enroll you in baby aerobics so you can burn off some of that excess energy? We would be glad to do it.
So you see, Ducky, mommy and daddy love you dearly. We are just asking for some effort on your part. I didn’t want to burden you, or make you feel like you are not a good baby. So I haven’t said anything. But you are now nine months old, and ready for the truth. Even though to me you are always going to be perfect, there is always room for improvement.
P.S. In a few months you are probably going to be obsessed with Elmo like your sister is. Please don’t.