Category Archives: boots

My Feet Are Confused

I finally gave in. I know it is January, but it is hot outside, so the boots went on a temporary hiatus. Basically I got tired of coming home a sweaty mess. I went to Mary’s house the other day where we had a lovely picnic in her living room (pictures to come on Wordless Wednesday), and this is what I wore:
Yes, those are capris, and sandals on my feet. Since no one has seen my feet in months I figured I didn’t need a pedicure. I was banking on Mary no analyzing my toes, so I shoved them in the shoes, and went.
Seeing as how it isn’t going to get cold again any time soon, and sandals might stick around for a bit, I got a pedicure today. The place I usually go to was closed when I got there (they are a very tiny salon and the lady closes pretty much whenever she wants). Since this has happened a few times now, I have found a back-up salon. It is bigger and more expensive, but in a pinch it will do.
One of my biggest complaints about my usual spot was that they never had enough colors to pick from. In fact I think I have more nail polishes in my bathroom than they have in their entire establishment. But it has been so long since I have been to a big place I was practically overwhelmed. The lady told me to pick a color and I found myself staring at the wall-size display of every shade imaginable. It took me longer to pick a color than the actual pedicure lasted.
At first I wanted something fun and Springy, but quickly had to remind myself it is not Spring. So, despite the weather, I got something Wintery and broody.

Yes, those are my creepy little feet, making their debut. The color is that of an angry ocean.

And of course with my luck the temperatures will plummet over the next few days and it will be boot season once again.


How have I never dated a man with a foot fetish? I mean, considering the state of my feet, statistically speaking this should have happened already. In fact, according to probability, this should have happened several times.If you look at my feet I should be a magnet for men with foot fetishes. They are so oddly shaped I could practically hypnotize a man just by wiggling my toes.

One friend suggested that I don’t advertise enough. “You wear boots all the time. You are not showcasing the goods.” I was eager to agree, but that doesn’t explain summer. I am in sandals from around May until October. Maybe I am not wearing the right kind of sandals. I wear constrictive footwear that conceals. All the other women are in flip flops, essentially the bikinis of footwear. Maybe next summer I will just go barefoot.

By now I am sure you are wondering why (for the love of God) I would be looking for this. You mean, why would I want a man who would give me unsolicited foot rubs on a regular basis? That sounds absolutely terrible, right?

I am not saying I am looking for this, per se. I am just saying, that, should it happen at some undefined point in the future, I am not adverse to whoring out my feet in exchange for said foot rubs. That’s all.

And yes, I understand that other things may be done to them as well… but… again… foot massage. Stay with me here. Focus.

I wear uncomfortable shoes all day (who’s fault is that, right?), my feet are strange looking, to put it nicely, so I generally feel guilty asking a significant other to massage them, even on my worst days when I can barely walk by the end. But, should this significant other enjoy said activity… well then…

As I write this I realize how versatile a woman’s body is. How many women do you know with foot fetishes? Have you ever even heard of this from a female perspective? But a woman’s body is a cornucopia of niche parts. For all the times I have been complimented on my knees, I am beginning to think there may be a fetish for that as well. Unfortunately I am not looking for knee massages, so this particular information is of no use to me. But it does put things in perspective. I may not attract men who like curvy women, I have never been complimented on my elbows (should I start feeling self conscious about them?), my feet have not as of yet gotten the attention they deserve, but someone out there finds some part of my body attractive. Even if it is just the shape of my collar bone.

In the meantime, taking Trish’s advice, I am “showcasing the goods” (in boots, because we don’t want anyone getting *too* excited).


Wearing Jeans… Wearing Boots…

It is October 1st! Officially boot season. The anticipation has been building, and the weather was perfect this morning. Some of my boots have seen better days, so I am waiting for a visit from the boot fairy. But for now, I was just excited to get them on.What all this means is that I had to also get my jeans into shape. I haven’t worn them in so long I practically had to wrestle them to the ground, and after I squeezed them on I had to perform the proper gymnastics to break them in. Kind of like when you take jeans out of the dryer and need to wiggle around a bit before they are comfortable.

Several sets of lunges, squats and high kicks later I was mobile and my jeans fit like a second layer of skin. No small feat, mind you! It was quite the little work-out, but after I break in a few more pairs I think I will be ready to perform the high vault in my living room. Also, I haven’t the slightest clue how I am getting them off tonight, but I have many hours before I need to worry about that. And I think I have a screwdriver at home somewhere. Jean wearing should totally become a new Olympic sport.

Luckily for me, the start of boot season coincided nicely with the weekend I will have a million errands to run. I am much more agile in boots and can perform all sorts of savvy tricks. Watch! Watch! I will just be Little Miss Efficient on Saturday. I *might* even stop into the boot store and visit the boot fairy myself.

I haven’t the slightest clue when I will actually have the time for any serious boot shopping, considering there are eighty other things that I need to shop for, but I figure there is no harm in compiling a list of possibilities.

This is my want want want list:

Oscar de la Renta

Christian Louboutin


Marc Jacobs

Versace (Ok, these aren’t boots… but I still want…)