Category Archives: Uncategorized

A History

Silence

We have all heard the phrase “history is written by the victors” or some version thereof. This is nowhere more evident than when histories are compared only for the loser to find they have no part in the other’s story, having their presence obliterated through denial. When histories of the same time period are brought together the incongruities become all the more apparent, forcing the one left out to rehash memories of a time of loss only to realize their insignificance in the greater scheme of things. They were never the second part of a story, but a minuscule inconsequential strand easily erased from the books. The removed ones have to recognize their own conceit at ever thinking they were important enough to be noted as a loss, but only after they have built a future on the false hopes of a negated past.

Particularly when forced repeatedly to reconsider the past is the left-out party bombarded with evidence contrary to their existence and filled with alternate narratives too painful to conceptualize. Fond memories are redrawn into the shape of a new history that the defeated never asked to read, complete with pictures to solidify their fall from favor, shown to them from every angle to depict the entire panorama of their failure.

And as histories are rewritten, the losers continue to remain forgotten, only to be disturbed from their slumber to have their destruction rubbed in for another’s cruel curiosity. They are not left to weep in peace, and those writing histories ignore them as they did in their books, rendering their notions invalid as a final stroke against their reality – they were not a chapter in anyone’s book… not even a page.

Nothing New

Dark_Pink_Butterfly

A couple of people have been wondering why I have not posted anything new about grad school applications. The reason being there is nothing new to report. Everything is as it was before. However, today is April 1st, and I have not heard a single word from one of the schools, which is a little disconcerting. So far everyone has said either yes, or maybe, and they have not as much as acknowledged my existence. Considering that every school I applied to had some sort of problem with my application where a part of it went missing (transcripts twice, letters of recommendation once, and my writing sample as well), the fact that I have not heard from this school at all immediately got me at this point assuming that they must have lost my entire application. Of course that can’t be the case – I have a receipt stating it was submitted – but that is just how my brain works.

I am still refreshing GradCafe every few hours, and no one is mentioning them at all. This is a relief since I am not the only one, but I also looked at previous years and historically they have sent out their responses during the last two weeks of March. That was last week. So I am sitting here intently staring at my phone (because that is obviously the answer to everything), waiting for it to ring, buzz, vibrate, dance for me… whatever.

A friend suggested I email them to inquire about the application, but to me that just seems overly pushy. However, considering the national deadline for applicants to make all decisions is exactly two weeks from now, I am not being given much time. Granted my first choice has not yet said anything else other than placing me on an ambiguous waitlist, they are my first choice. They can contact me the night before to offer me admission and I would take it without a second thought. Yet right now my only options are not ideal, so depending on this other school’s reply, I need to really consider things.

I am contemplating waiting another few days and then emailing. Honestly I hope they beat me to it.