Category Archives: stranger

Another Memory

Assault is traumatic. When someone you trust physically abuses you it is not traumatic, but rather undefinable, in that way where it hurts your very core.

You don’t expect a stranger to necessarily hurt you, but in truth you have no expectations from strangers, and if one should hurt you, a few bandages, perhaps some stitches, and (if you really need it) maybe some therapy later, you heal. You move on even as the experience remains in your memory. You may feel a variety of things, but really, betrayal is not one of them.

If a stranger should hurt you, you probably would fight back.

None of this is true when someone you know, and have been close with, does this. It is different. Not only did you trust the person, but you trusted them not to harm you, and when they do it is paralyzing. You don’t fight back – you don’t even understand what is going on for the most part.

You weren’t supposed to trust strangers, so when one attacks you, nothing changes, and you continue to be distrustful of those you do not know. What are you supposed to when the person closest to you does that?Are you supposed to live with life-long trust issues because of it, unable to believe anyone else is different? Or do you let it go? How?

Do you flinch any time anyone ever raises their arm? Do you sleep with one eye open? Or do you simply push everyone away forever?

You generally don’t get to question a stranger’s motives. Yet when someone close to you attacks you, when it’s all over the questions never stop. But if you can’t trust them not to abuse you, how can you trust their answers? And then the worst part… when you begin questioning yourself…

What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong? What if… endlessly.

I wish I had been mugged by a stranger.

I Eat On The Outside

As I was eating salsa out of a bowl for lunch, I realized I have some pretty strange eating habits. I tend to eat parts of dishes, and usually the parts that most consider accompaniments.
I eat salsa and guacamole by themselves. No chips. I used to eat a lot of cake, but soon realized I was just eating it because I like the frosting. So I wised up and decided to save a step; now I just eat frosting straight out of the can, no cake needed. I eat cereal without milk. I eat the insides of sandwiches. But on other days I just eat plain bread for lunch. I drink white wine with steak and other red meat dishes. I eat chocolate for breakfast. And cookies for dinner. I eat frozen yogurt because I like the yogurt chip toppings. I eat cheese by itself, just because. I eat whipped cream by itself. Sometimes, I eat sour cream by itself.
Ducky is too young to now any better, but Munchie has started catching on. Now she eats frosting as a snack, stopped putting milk in her cereal, and the other day I caught her eating the inside of her hot dog. Oh dear, what have I done…