Category Archives: guilt

How I Deal With Annoying People

The phone rang. I looked down at the caller ID, and promptly silenced it. It was a friend of mine. I have known him for a long time. I hate it when he calls. Our friendship has continued over the years simply because every few months/years he guilt trips me into having a cup of coffee with him, or even worse, returning his call.
He has done reasonably well for himself. Got a degree at one of them fancy institutions. He has a nice house in a nice neighborhood. He has a decent job in the finance world. He drives a fancy car.  So you would think he would be an okay guy. The kind you invite to BBQs in the back yard, introduce to your husband and help form life long friendships. You would think I would be good friends with his wife since we have known each other so long.
The problem is, none of this is feasible. He is not the type to invite to parties, or any other type of occasions where other people would be present (because they will blame you for his presence). He is not that great at conversation (mainly because he is the only one doing any of the talking and would not let another person get a word in). And his wife is not that great, because she doesn’t exist. No one can put up with this guy long enough to date him, let alone marry him.
I have tried being a true friend to him, and actually point out all of the above and how he might be able to fix it, rationalizing that he either takes my advice and becomes a better person who I would truly want to be friends with, or he resents me forever and never calls again. Win, win right?
That is not how things work. He didn’t take my advice, because apparently I am too ignorant to know anything, but he can’t be mad at me for my ignorance, so I guess we are still BFFs.
I am sure by now you are wondering why he is so obnoxious. It is a combination of his bragging and the satisfaction he gets in putting others down.
As I mentioned, he is doing pretty good for himself. I cannot say I feel jealous because the majority of his bragging centers around his career. I have absolutely no desire for his career. I have enough trouble keeping up my own finances, and I in no way want to keep track of anyone else’s. Most people I know would also not have a jealousy issue with him. It is the second part of his personality that gets everyone. He loves making others feel bad about themselves. No one wants or likes this.
No matter what stance you have on a subject, or how knowledgeable you are in a specific area, you are wrong, you are ignorant for being wrong, he is right, and he is going to let you know. There is no arguing with him, because, well, you can’t argue if you can’t get a word into the argument.
And when he is done making you feel stupid, he starts with the boasting and bragging about how awesome he is, how much stuff he has, how great his job is, and how far he has reached in life. When he is done your head will hurt so much you will just smile, nod, congratulate him on being born, and pray to never have to withstand his company again.
So I pushed the ignore button on my phone. As much as I love coffee, this time I am going to pass.
Do you have anyone like this in your life? How do you cope with them?

New Year Resolutions

First of all, happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had an amazing New Year celebration, and came up with some wonderful resolutions. If so, I would love to hear about it, so feel free to comment below.

Like everyone else, I too have New Year resolutions. What better way to really stick to them than to make them public? Hopefully sharing these with all of you will add some incentive to really keep them up. Accountability is a wonderful thing.

1. Spend more time with my kids. Find time. Make time. Doesn’t matter how, just do it. Yes, I know, writing about spending time with my kids is completely counter intuitive since I am currently detracting from the time spent with them.

2. Gain some weight. I am currently severely under weight, and I have been trying all sorts of remedies, including eating like crazy over the holidays. Somehow I managed to lose more weight in the process. So this one will be a tough one, but I have faith in myself.

3. Working harder on my blog. This one benefits my readers as much as myself, and you can all look forward to more frequent, and useful posts this coming year!

4. Shedding the guilt. I have guilt issues. Whenever I take time for myself, even for things which are necessary, I feel guilty. You may think this is in opposition to the first resolution I have on here, but I strongly believe being able to enjoy the time I have to myself will enrich the time I spend with my kids. A sane mommy makes for a good mommy.

5. Update my wardrobe. Sometimes I look like I belong in the eighties. I really need to work on that. No, I am not using this as an excuse to go on a shopping spree. I swear.

6. Have a great year. Stuff happens. Good stuff. Bad stuff. And everything in between. However, every experience is relative. It can be good or bad depending on what you make of it.

Again, Happy New Years Everyone!

Share with everyone what you did last night below.

Mommy Guilt Sucks

I am a mother. But I am also a woman, and a human. I have needs. And one of those needs is some quiet, alone time. So why does asking for it make me feel so guilty? I have no problem sending my children to day care while I am at work. I see this as a necessity.
I happen to work a 4/10 shift, meaning I work ten hours a day, four days a week. I have Fridays off. We pay for daycare for the full week, but I rarely, if ever, send my children to daycare on Fridays. I feel it is my duty as a parent to never part from them. This Friday it is supposed to rain, and I have a boatload of errands to run. Combine all of this with getting two very small children in and out of the car a bagillian times, and schlepping them through numerous stores, and you are asking for chaos. Nevertheless it never even occurred to me to send them to daycare.
I was outlining my plans to my husband who looked at me and said “you should send the kids to day care.”  I just stared at him as if he had announced the most astonishing news on the face of the planet. Why hadn’t the idea come to me before? I mean, we are paying for it anyway.
As soon as the plan to send them off starting sinking in, I began trying to rationalize how it is better for them under the circumstances to be at day care. They won’t get rained on, and potentially catch a cold. They won’t have to be dragged from store to store. They will surely have a much better time playing, and being taken care of. And the list goes on. Why can’t I just admit that it will be easier for me to do everything without them, and that I actually welcome some me time. Why do I have to feel like I am abandoning my children? Is there something wrong with wanting to relax for a few hours?
As much as I am looking forward to my Friday this week, I cannot help but feel selfish. Every time I try to think about the things I will be getting accomplished and how nice it will be to read my book and maybe take a nap, I feel a pang of guilt. It is completely irrational. Mommy guilt sucks.