Author Archives: Christene

Somethingville

Every morning there are numerous notifications on my phone from Facebook friends inviting to me to play different games. I don’t play video games of any kind, but I am not oblivious to what they are about, which is why I can’t bring myself to play any of them. Most FB games end with the word “ville” eliciting memories of the popular game SimCity (another thing I never got into).

These games are not so much games as they are simulations of (real) life. Seriously, in each one of these you create a character that is very much like you (if you happened to look like a cartoon character), and you move your little person around performing the same tasks you would in real life. You walk your dog, feed your fish (if you are kind, you feed your neighbor’s fish as well), you plant your garden, cook dinner, go to the store, talk to your friends, etc. I don’t have a dog, of fish, but if I did, they would be walked and fed respectively. I do cook dinner, go to the store, and if I had the slightest inclination, would have at some point planted a garden. None of this is particularly fantastic, or even slightly interesting. Yet thousands of people play them religiously, and judging by the timestamps when the requests were made, they do so in the middle of the night. I take this to mean that after having performed all of these mundane tasks throughout the day people log onto their computers at night to virtually perform all of them again.

As I mentioned, I have never been into video games, but I do understand the concept of playing them as a method of escape. It is no different than my reading a work of fiction to unwind for an hour or two. I just don’t understand how people unwind by “escaping” into a parallel universe where they essentially repeat the things they already do.

I thought that maybe they create lives that they wished they lived, but what I found (from asking a few people who enjoy said games) is that really there is no greater purpose. There is no winning, except if you consider keeping your alter self alive as a win. There is no end, you simply continue playing and existing in the video game realm. There is basically no greater raison d’etre except as a distraction. If you know me, you know I love distractions. Nothing feels better after a long day (especially if it was particularly rough) then spacing out on Pinterest, or simply staring at the ceiling with music playing in the background. Yet I love these activities precisely for their ability to get me to stop thinking – about what happened that day, what will happen, or life in general. How can anyone forget real life when they emulate it all over again in a scarily true to reality virtual space? If anything I would think that playing these endless games that center around nothing more than keeping house, going to work, and running errands serve as brutal reminders of the futility of life.

That is exactly why I won’t play these games. This week I have already spent numerous hours at work, fed fifty cats, went to the grocery store half a dozen times or more, cooked, cleaned, went to the post office, and ironed my laundry. There is no part of this I would like to repeat in an online version. Simsville is just a complicated way of playing house, and now you have to become friends with your neighbors while compulsively rearranging your furniture every five seconds. Fishville is like owning cats if they were fish – you feed them, take care of every one of their needs, and they ignore you. Farmville is like spending all day in your back yard, should you have one, except instead of relaxing your are constantly working and never growing enough (a metaphor for life?). And I am not sure what Candy Crush is, but it sounds like something I would do to the candy in my mouth if I was in a bad mood.

I never in my life thought I would say this, but at least I can understand shooter games. There is a goal, something to look forward to achieving, and which typically either moves you up to the next level, or ends the game. Your little pixely guy needs to annihilate the other pixely guy, and if you accomplish your task you get a gold coin. Not to mention you get to pretend you are someone else, because I imagine most of us are not professional assassins. I don’t like it, but I understand it.

The “ville” games of today do not offer the same thing. Your biggest triumph is successfully completing a faux grocery run. You may not be attempting to achieve world domination, but you don’t even get to enjoy the small victories of getting a promotion at work, or earning a degree.

Creating a little mini me that lives a life no better or amusing than my own just seems incompressible as a method of entertainment. Don’t even get me started on the games where you take pictures of your real life friends and create avatars for your little person to interact with in the virtual world. I can’t be alone in saying “what the Hell??” I can even understand the novelty of it. Sure there have been times when I was curious, and almost created a little Christene avatar simply to see what it is like, but I am sure I would lose interest about five minutes in. At no point during my internet browsing do I want to do virtual vacuuming. If I wanted to interact with my friends, I would go out with them, and if they were unavailable, I would simply wait for them to become available again. I have no need to create the internet’s version of voodoo dolls and name them Tanya and Stephanie while freakishly posting pictures of them in my make-believe internet life that is suspiciously similar to my real life, except with fish and a back yard.

One person believes that creating the mini version of yourself online helps you regain some control since you are now in charge of your atmosphere and no longer at the whim of demands of real life. But from what I am gathering, that is exactly how these games work. Like the Tamagotchi friends of the 90’s, you spend the entirety of your free time feeding, entertaining, and otherwise maintaining this virtual being where you become a slave to its needs while it simultaneously reacts to the needs of its program. No one appears to be autonomous in this equation.

In fact, after a little bit of research it seems the entire purpose of these games is to give people more responsibilities to handle. Should you decide to live your actual real life one night and not log onto your computer, you will return to dead fish, a dying crop of blueberries, a highly depressed mini version of you, and a lot of pretend dirty dishes in the sink. Months of after-hours of play acting have been undone by only a few moments of neglect. My children could probably survive on their own longer than some of these virtual characters, thus breeding a dependency upon you which takes over your entire life. Maybe that is the point. You become so absorbed in your created online life that you actually stop living your real one in lieu of feeding pretend fish at night. Then you invite all of your friends to play, and instead of any human interaction everyone will play house by themselves with make-believe people that just highly resemble people that they used to know.

Fish

Polygamy

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I have never understand polygamy. I find the concept of several spouses quite confusing. I mean, what is a woman supposed to do with multiple husbands?

Isn’t one bad enough? Now you have several men trying to rule your life, telling you what you can and can’t do. Then you somehow become responsible for pleasing them. Each one comes with their own requirements and you must keep them in mind as you switch back and forth. Husband A likes it when you get dressed up, while Husband B prefers more natural looking women, and you haven’t yet figured out what Husband C wants. A is an engineer and expects you to hold conversations centered around the sciences, while B and C wish to discuss history and astrophysics respectively. One won’t eat fish, while the other is a vegetarian, and the third loves fried food.

You will be running yourself ragged maintaining several wardrobes that you change out of at least twice a day, while cooking five course meals to appease everyone and practically getting a third and fourth college education as you read entire libraries just to manage conversation during your five course meal.

Not to mention your wifely duties. It is hard enough to spend one man’s money, but now you have three (or more!) to contend with. There is only so much shopping a woman can do. And think of holidays and special occasions. If you have ever tried shopping for a man, you will know what I mean. They are impossible. Now you have several of them in your life, and you are left with a nagging suspicion that matching wallets just won’t do. You could of course rely on their interests to guide you, but at this point, between the cooking and reading and general shopping, you don’t really think you could keep them straight. Next thing you know you are buying a golf set for the wrong husband.

What about your gifts? What are you going to do with so much jewelry, perfume and candy? Besides, if they all pitch in for the wedding ring, chances are you won’t even be able to lift your hand off the table to eat the chocolate, much less cook all those dinners.

Speaking of chores, just imagine the laundry. As if washing all of it wasn’t difficult enough, you then have to figure out what goes into whose closet. Obviously you will have to start liking men who have the same build and then spend some of their money on identical outfits. They may all have different personalities and interests, but what is appears you are trying to do is make them all into one person. Which I suppose would defeat the purpose. This is why I have never understood polygamy. It just seems like too much trouble.

21 More Things

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I have moved away from Buzzfeed for the time being, and I found this other site that makes lists (I do love lists). 21 Things You Suddenly Start Wanting In Your Mid-20’s. What I found interesting is that this is pretty much a random list of things people would want at any age, and half of these I either wanted and/or had by the time I turned 18. Maybe I didn’t develop properly.

1. A job where  you have to wear something nice.

I have been what you would consider “overdressed” since elementary school, and even when I worked part time for minimum wage, I still dressed well. Yes, I understand the implication that having a job which mandates dressing well means it is a nice job, I have to say this is an incorrect inference. I had a friend in undergrad who worked as a waitress at a local restaurant. She was getting paid minimum wage (plus tips of course), and was expected to wear cocktail dresses and fancy shoes. She hated everything about her job except for her attire.

2. Sangria.

Ok, I do have to agree with this one. I discovered sangria in my early 20’s, and had a very good first experience with it.

3. At least a few hours of precious weekend time to browse home decorating websites.

I have never had the desire to browse decorating sites for any extended period of time. Maybe this want will develop in me later on in my 50’s or something.

4. Dinner parties.

Again, I am not sure what this has to do with the 20’s. I loved helping my mom prep for dinner parties for as far back as I have memories.

5. A hearty breakfast.

Nope. Never was a breakfast person, still not, probably won’t be.

6. Classic jazz.

Playing the piano got me into classic jazz long before my mid 20’s.

7. A desk to work at.

I think in my mid 20’s I started appreciating my desk… but I had had one for several years already.

8. A decent amount of time to do everything.

You would think that by the time someone got into their mid-20’s they would know that there is never enough time… for anything. Granted I learned the lesson when I got to college, and I know not everyone goes to college, I am sure there are equivalent lessons learned through other means.

9. Friends who work in the same industry as you.

Not really. No. In fact I have only recently joined most of my friends in their pursuits. A large part of my friends got their doctorates long ago and have been teaching at universities for years. I have only just now began it all. At no point in my previous career would I have wished my friends to join me.

10. Functional clothes to wear to weddings.

There is nothing functional about a wedding. And considering I have been a bridesmaid to almost every wedding I have attended… well…. you try finding a functional bridesmaid dress.

11. Throw pillows.

I have an interesting on and off relationship with throw pillows, but I am not entirely sure when it started. I think we are kind of on right now.

12. A blender.

Yes. I did get my first blender in my mid 2o’s. Coincidently it was also the first time I lived by myself. Hrm…

13. Activities.

Um… I am pretty sure I have always wanted/enjoyed/participated in activities. I assure you I did not spend the first 20+ years of my life in a cave.

14. Yoga.

Yes, I did take up yoga in my mid 20’s. I would like to some day take it up again.

15. Someone to wake up next to.

Again, not something I feel is particular to being in your mid-20’s.

16. An iPad.

Um… well… considering they didn’t exist, I did not want an iPad in my mid 20’s. However, I don’t own one, nor want one now either.

17. A calendar.

No, I like organizing things and making lists entirely too much not have wanted a calendar far sooner than my 20’s.

18. Bottomless brunch.

Are you kidding? I have wanted bottomless meals since the day I was born!

19. A cute travel mug.

Nope, my coffee cup fetish began when I was still in my teens. By the time I reached my mid-20’s I was a travel mug connoisseur.

20. A good knowledge of wine bars.

Actually I didn’t even know these things existed until about two years ago. However, I have found a favorite one and have so far gone there multiple times with Tanya, Hannah, and Mary. Stephanie and Allie are next.

21. Routine.

I am a creature of habit. Routine has been my favorite thing since forever.