I cope in distractions. When there are too many stressors I find solace in my head and it works each time. When I finish dedicating hours to my thoughts, time has passed, and things have changed. Time elides. Last night I was restless, and by all accounts this morning I should have been exhausted. But instead I have indefatigable energy.
It is finals week, and everything is due. The end is not just in sight, but has arrived. When I awoke this morning I was gripped with an unfathomable thrill. The panic is gone, wiped away with the time spent on analyzing poetry last night. I am too ecstatic to say I am calm. But it is a different kind of calm. There is no more studying I can possibly do. I have rewritten my paper enough times. I have worked on my projects to the best of my abilities. Que sera sera.
Just a few more days, measured out in scanty hours, and the performance can end. Just one more show that has been endlessly, pedantically rehearsed. And then I can stop spinning, spinning, spinning, and let myself be dizzy with happiness and relief.
I can begin acclimating to a new schedule containing many hours of free time, as they are already being allotted out. I have time for endless thoughts but right now, none for being tired.