Silly Puns

My friend just posted this ridiculously silly thing on Facebook. “Puns that only English people will understand.” Now, I have to argue that non English people might understand them as well. I just don’t think they would find these things funny for the most part. I am still giggling.

Here are some of my favorites:

~What would you find in Charles Dickens’ kitchen?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
~What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
Cat: Claws at the end of paws.
Comma: Pause at the end of clause.
~Why is John Milton terrible to invite to game nights?
Because whenever he is around there is a pair of dice lost.
~What happened when Past, Present and Future walked into a bar?
It was tense.
~Why are apostrophes terrible to date?
They are too possessive.
~How did Charlotte Bronte make it easier for everyone to breathe?
She created Eyre.
~Which dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms?
The Thesaurus.
~Why do words, phrases and punctuation keep ending up in court?
To be sentenced.
~What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?
It declined.
~What makes Civil Disobedience such a great essay?
Thoreau editing.
~How does Voltaire like his apples?
Candied.
~Why did Shakespeare only write in pen?
Pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B?
~How do you make a copyeditor vomit?
Show her a typo. It’ll make her [sic].
~What do you call a treehouse that kids can only play in when their parents are around?
P. G. Woodhouse.
~Why do writers constantly feel cold?
Because they are constantly surrounded by drafts.
~What is the best way to get an English major in the mood?
Metaphorplay.
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