Category Archives: silly

Silly Child

This is an amusing list of things my children have said. Actually, it is all Ally, because as Mary and Tanya will tell you, I still can’t understand 90% of what Ducky says.

“Mommy, can we eat Ducky for dinner? He’s chubby.”

She was on her pretend phone: “Nana got kidnapped by the bad men. Nothing changes.”

I was hanging pictures. I will admit I had no idea what I was doing, but I had seen my dad knocking on walls before, so I thought I would try it and see if it sounds different. It didn’t, but I kept knocking.
Ally, shaking her head: “No one’s in there Mommy.”

“Mama, my dolly got a cold… and then she died.”

I convinced the kids that Santa doesn’t want milk and cookies on Christmas eve and would rather have wine and cheese. Ally: “Santa eats like you?”

Me: “Let’s go babies, we are going to see your cousin Westley.”
Ally: “Are we going to eat him?”

After their baths I was drying them off, got them in their pajamas, and then went off to do something.
Ally: “What? Wash and no style?” She made me comb and blow dry her hair.

“Mommy you are so pretty.”
“Oh, thank you baby!”
“Mommy, can I have a Princess Sophia Doll for Christmas?”

I was making dinner, dancing around to Avicii’s Wake Me Up.
“Ally you want to come dance with me?”
“Mommy we should get you dancing lessons.”

Ally was singing the newest Miley Cyrus song “Wrecking Ball” at daycare and the daycare provider sent me a video of her performing for the class.
After school… “I saw you singing Wrecking Ball. Where did you learn that?”
Ally: “From the good parents at day care. Not you Mommy.”
The good parents at daycare are teaching the kids Miley Cyrus songs. Obviously I have this parenting thing all wrong.

Ally: “Are you and Daddy brother and sister?”

Ally wanted to know where babies come from.
Me: “You came from me and Daddy.”
Ally: “How?”
Me: “From my belly.”
Ally: “You ate us?!?”

Ally asked why I don’t have more than one Nana like she does. I told her when people get really old, they die.
Ally: “Oh no! Are you going to die soon?”

And my all time favorite… Ally: “Don’t sass me Mama!”

Silly Puns

My friend just posted this ridiculously silly thing on Facebook. “Puns that only English people will understand.” Now, I have to argue that non English people might understand them as well. I just don’t think they would find these things funny for the most part. I am still giggling.

Here are some of my favorites:

~What would you find in Charles Dickens’ kitchen?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
~What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
Cat: Claws at the end of paws.
Comma: Pause at the end of clause.
~Why is John Milton terrible to invite to game nights?
Because whenever he is around there is a pair of dice lost.
~What happened when Past, Present and Future walked into a bar?
It was tense.
~Why are apostrophes terrible to date?
They are too possessive.
~How did Charlotte Bronte make it easier for everyone to breathe?
She created Eyre.
~Which dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms?
The Thesaurus.
~Why do words, phrases and punctuation keep ending up in court?
To be sentenced.
~What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?
It declined.
~What makes Civil Disobedience such a great essay?
Thoreau editing.
~How does Voltaire like his apples?
~Why did Shakespeare only write in pen?
Pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B?
~How do you make a copyeditor vomit?
Show her a typo. It’ll make her [sic].
~What do you call a treehouse that kids can only play in when their parents are around?
P. G. Woodhouse.
~Why do writers constantly feel cold?
Because they are constantly surrounded by drafts.
~What is the best way to get an English major in the mood?