Keep Your Almonds To Yourself

At some point coffee became exotic. I am not sure at which point, because I wasn’t paying attention. But it happened, I missed it, and now baristas are trying to put almonds in my coffee. I like almonds. I do not like almond milk. And I certainly don’t like the milk from my almonds in my coffee. Who came up with this? Who sat there and said to themselves “well, there is a perfectly nice looking solid thing. I should milk it?” And when did the second guy come along and say “hey, there’s some unaccounted for milk substance. I should put this in my coffee?” And at what point did this become normal? I remember when the soy phase started in the late nineties. I was okay with this. I even tried it. For example, chai tea latte with soy can be enjoyable. Once in a while. Like ten years ago.
Maybe I am boring. When I say I am getting coffee, I mean I am getting coffee. There is nothing in my coffee except some sugar and cream. This is not to say I don’t like the occasional caramel macchiato, or mocha something or other. I do. But even I have a limit on how much sugar and caffeine I can tolerate in one sitting. I usually like to have a steady stream of both throughout the day. Otherwise I may pass out. Or at the very least get a headache.
But when I go into a coffee shop and say I would like a large coffee, “would you like almond milk in that?” is not an appropriate response. Ever.
Also, I understand decaf. I even have it once in a while. But decaf espresso? Really??

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