Becoming Blanche

When I was younger I used to watch The Golden Girls with my mom. I am not sure if any of you remember the show, or have ever watched it, but it was one of our favorite shows to watch together.

Even at that age I knew one day I would grow older, and I was hoping I would turn into Blanche Devereaux. In fact, I was certain I would for many years. The funny thing is, I don’t know why. Nothing about Blanche’s lifestyle, as glamorous as it was on TV, resounded with what I wanted out of life.

I was one of those girls who had my wedding planned out, down to the centerpieces, before my tenth birthday. By the time I was fifteen I thought I was going to have four children. I thought I would be a successful professional of some kind (I left wiggle room here, and eschewed the specifics).

I had it all figured out.

Yes, I had my perfect wedding. I love the fact that I took time to do that. I think every woman should. Even if you don’t get married, you should just throw yourself a wedding. Marry yourself, marry your cat, just do it. That was the only day in my life where everything, and I mean everything, was about me, and I didn’t feel guilty or selfish making it that way. During my first wedding I was so consumed with taking care of everyone else I practically made myself sick. Actually, I did make myself sick, and spent the following week in bed with a fever. I always feel like I should be focusing on others. But my wedding day the second time around was all about me. And I was beautiful, and it was perfect. Maybe just in my head, but that is all that matters, because thirty years from now I am the only one who is going to remember it.

Four children? I got half way there before I decided I am done. And I love the ones I have, so it all worked out in the end.

As for the last thing, according to everyone else I am indeed a successful professional of some kind, so I guess that came true.

Now, will I be Blanche Devereaux twenty or thirty years from now? I don’t know. Maybe I will be Dorothy, or Rose, or a bit of all of them, or maybe I will be someone else entirely.

But for now I think I need to set up a new list of goals.

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