Awkward

Today was the day of awkward encounters. Mephy and Gigi finally got fixed. Gigi has been in heat lately so it could no longer be put off. She is been screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night and had to spend several nights this week locked in the bathroom because Mephy kept mounting her. Yeah, that is what I have been coming home to. Kitty incest. Me in the living room: “Ducky, that is Ally’s toy, get off your sister!… Mephy get OFF your sister!!! Oh God…”

When I dropped them off at the Vet this morning it appeared to be dog day. There were several large dogs in the lobby, and several more in the other rooms. I walk in with two kittens. Cue mass simultaneous growling and barking from all corners. It took about 10 minutes before the receptionist could even sign us in. This should have been my first clue that today would be awkward.

Since I was already in the valley and would later join Tanya for our standard 11 a.m. coffee date I figured I would do all my errands there.

The string of awkward encounters all started at Fresh and Easy when a lady asked if I wanted to make a donation to her organization. I politely declined. Usually that is all it takes, however she decided she really wanted a donation and began following me into the parking lot, persisting that it was for a good cause and I really should think about it. I declined several more times. I was trying to load my groceries in the car and she was practically preventing me from doing this. She asked “don’t you want to feed hungry children?” I answered, “what do you think I am trying to do??” She did not appreciate my humor.

Then, I went to the salon to get my monthly eyebrow shaping. The manager came by to ask if it was my first time because I look agitated. I replied “I am about to get hot wax poured on my face, and then let a sixteen year old use sharp metal objects on me within millimeters of my eyes. Wouldn’t you be a little nervous?” She did not appreciate my humor.

After having coffee Tanya and I were about ready to leave Starbucks (we were down the street from a university, which will be important to know in about two seconds), and we were clearly loading up Tanya’s stroller, while I was picking up my purse and sun glasses. A man walks up to our table and is about ready to sit down. Tanya informs him we will be leaving shortly and he can have the table as she is rearranging Westley, and shuffling things around. He says “Oh yes, take your time,” while pulling the chair out and setting his stuff down. Then he asks me if I go to school there and totally encroached on my personal space in the process. I wasn’t about to tell him about graduating, and blah blah blah. No one wants to hear all of that. So I simply reply “no” and begin fidgeting with Tanya’s stroller as if I am actually doing something to it. He seriously stands there staring right at us while Tanya is trying to get her baby comfortable and I am apparently trying to conjure spirits in the undercarriage. Because I was seriously just waving my hands around under there. He seemed very confused while intently staring at us. I briefly explain that Westley is a small human. He is just like us, but small.  He did not appreciate my humor.

After Starbucks Tanya and I walk to the mall, mainly because Westley was asleep in his stroller, and I happen to be waiting around for kittens to be fixed, so I had nothing better to do. After walking around the mall for a bit we ended up at Charlotte Russe. As I am perusing their racks a woman approaches me and asks if I am familiar with the Mission Hills area. “Well, I know where it is, I can’t say I am very familiar with it.” And then she offers me a job. I have never had great difficulty in the job market, but I have also never had jobs just handed to me by strangers. I politely declined, and (much like the donation lady from earlier), she began persisting that it would be a great opportunity. I didn’t want to get into specifics so I didn’t tell her I had a great job… in fact, two great jobs, so I just kept telling her I am not interested. Just like I have never had jobs handed to me by strangers, I have most certainly never had anyone beg me to take a job. Which of course makes me wonder what kind of shady business she must be running. She insisted I would look great at the front desk. I replied in mock horror, “Are you saying I don’t look good now?” She did not appreciate my humor.

As we were going through the mall, at one point Tanya was in a fitting room. Since this is Southern California and it was practically ninety degrees outside in mid January and we had been walking all this way I was a hot sweaty mess half way through the day, so I ducked into a local bathroom to freshen up. I was in the middle of reapplying some concealer when this lady started getting closer and closer. And I mean in that awkward way where she begins at one end of the sink counter and side steps a few inches every few seconds towards me. I notice in the giant mirror but continue what I was doing. Next thing I know she is right next to me going through my make-up bag. Um, what are you doing lady? I look right at her and said “You know, Macy’s has an entire counter of this stuff.”She turned and walked away. She did not appreciate my humor.

Later in the day when I pick up the kids the lady at daycare informs me that Ally is an extremely defiant child. I reply “well where do you think she gets it from?” She did not appreciate my humor.

In conclusion, today was awkward, and my humor went unappreciated by many. If you have as much chuckled at any point during this post, then I feel accomplished.

 

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