Author Archives: Christene

Planning A Trip

I have been talking about going to Paris and London for a few weeks over the summer, but now I am planning it. It is actually happening, and I am days away from booking things. I figure once I am done teaching summer school I will have a few weeks before Fall semester, and the insanity of holding down two jobs, going to grad school, and my own life, so this may be my last chance for a while to go back. If I had a little over two weeks I would throw Amsterdam in there as well, but really two weeks is just enough to have a hectic yet relaxing trip in two countries. And since the last time I have gone the TGV has improved significantly, which should facilitate travel a bit.

I am currently a little too excited, so I am simply looking at flights and hotels because I know myself well enough to know I will totally overbook everything if I start. I figured I can fly into Charles de Gaulle, spend the week, take the TGV to London, spend another five days, and fly out of Heathrow.

I haven’t done international flying in so many years I am a little confused about the ticket buying process. Last time I did it I went through a travel agent, and she basically did everything for me. Also, I didn’t have an itinerary, so I kind of just landed and found the hotel and everything while there, wandering around. Maybe it has to do with my age, but now that just seems so haphazard. The idea of landing in a foreign country with no planning is all of a sudden terrifying, despite that I have done it a dozen times. A few months ago when I went to San Francisco and then later to Portland I had everything pedantically planned out weeks in advance. So you can imagine I am not about to fly to Paris on a whim. When did this happen to me? I used to drive cross state, or even half way across the country due to vague inclination, and now I am all of a sudden neurotic about everything. I need to plan the flight, hotel, distance. When did I become this person?

Well, I may have gotten more responsible (if that is how you want to look at it), but that won’t stop me from having an amazing trip. In the meantime I will be off finding an online algorithmic calculator that can project the exchange rate eight months from now.

 

Listen

I have a new favorite song. Which should not surprise anyone since I pretty much have a new favorite song every week that I loop 50,000 times until I am over it. Generally the songs fit my mood, or whatever it is that inspires me that week.

Right now I am on a Bjork kick.

The video is typically Bjork strange, but the song is emotionally cathartic (for me).

Enjoy!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/ConfessionsFromTheCrib

Another Memory

Assault is traumatic. When someone you trust physically abuses you it is not traumatic, but rather undefinable, in that way where it hurts your very core.

You don’t expect a stranger to necessarily hurt you, but in truth you have no expectations from strangers, and if one should hurt you, a few bandages, perhaps some stitches, and (if you really need it) maybe some therapy later, you heal. You move on even as the experience remains in your memory. You may feel a variety of things, but really, betrayal is not one of them.

If a stranger should hurt you, you probably would fight back.

None of this is true when someone you know, and have been close with, does this. It is different. Not only did you trust the person, but you trusted them not to harm you, and when they do it is paralyzing. You don’t fight back – you don’t even understand what is going on for the most part.

You weren’t supposed to trust strangers, so when one attacks you, nothing changes, and you continue to be distrustful of those you do not know. What are you supposed to when the person closest to you does that?Are you supposed to live with life-long trust issues because of it, unable to believe anyone else is different? Or do you let it go? How?

Do you flinch any time anyone ever raises their arm? Do you sleep with one eye open? Or do you simply push everyone away forever?

You generally don’t get to question a stranger’s motives. Yet when someone close to you attacks you, when it’s all over the questions never stop. But if you can’t trust them not to abuse you, how can you trust their answers? And then the worst part… when you begin questioning yourself…

What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong? What if… endlessly.

I wish I had been mugged by a stranger.