My hair attacked someone today. Well, no, not really. But it did scare me this morning. Does that count?
After I got this brilliant idea to get a perm, because I am full of good ideas, I have spent numberless days undoing the perm in the mornings. Meaning I paid someone a lot of money to permanently curl my hair so I can spend a lot of time straightening it in the morning. Now y’all know why my GPA is so high. Well, this morning we had a power outage. It wasn’t a big deal at first because I wasn’t going to be spending too much time at home anyway. Until two things occurred to me.
First, no power means no coffee maker. OK, no problem, that is why God invented Starbucks.
Then the second realization came in. No power means no hair straightener. Which means no going out in public. Which means no Starbucks. This is when I started to panic.
Luckily, I recently read Jenny’s blog about Suburbia, of which, for better or worse, I happen to be a part of. Among her fifteen tips of surviving in a neighborhood much akin to mine, I found one particularly useful. Apparently suburban housewives don’t get dressed up all the time. Obviously I wasn’t aware and have clearly been doing this all wrong. To make amends for my erroneous behavior all these years I put my hair in a pony tail and got myself some coffee. After which I ran around adjacent neighborhoods and used other people’s electricity to fix my hair. I need electricity to fix my hair. Seriously, am I the only one who sees something wrong here?
I wear a lot of make up, but not because I need it. I could totally leave the house without make up on, except that I would look like I am twelve. As is I still get carded. I don’t need to perpetuate this further and have people thinking I am babysitting someone else’s kids. Then I would have to explain that they are mine, and no, I didn’t get pregnant at ten, and no, there is absolutely no reason for any sort of intervention. Alright fine, feel free to pray for me.
But my hair is a totally different issue. It’s not even vanity. It is a public service where I take the time to straighten my hair for the betterment of society. You are welcome.
So, in conclusion, I would like to ask the Electric Company of Simi Valley to please provide some warning next time our power goes out. A brief email specifying the time and date of any future outages would be very appreciated, so I may plan accordingly. And no, this is not just about my hair. I would also like to not go grocery shopping for ice cream the night before. And no, I did not scoop up a bunch of previously melted ice cream off the bottom of my freezer and eat it. I would never do that.