72 Things

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Yes, another Buzzfeed list. 72 Things the TV show Friends taught us about real life – and yes, I did at one point in my life watch TV… Not on a regular basis per se, but it was there. I used to like Friends, and this list accurately describes certain aspects of life that I think we all learned about in our 20’s. Maybe not from the TV show, but still. Also, I did not edit the list to only those items that apply to me (the commentary under each number, however, is all mine).

1. Your first job won’t be your dream job.

My first job was at the Gap. Yeah, definitely not my dream job…

2. When you have the nicest apartment in your group of friends, you’ll always be the one hosting.

Unless there is a sever parking problem in your area, in which case no one will ever visit you.

3. Having lunch with your ex will definitely upset your current significant other.

But what if you only dated for a week when you were in fifth grade and that entailed going to the mall for an hour?

4. Thanksgiving isn’t always as perfect as it’s supposed to be. When in doubt, just serve grilled cheese.

Grilled cheese is the answer for everything…

5. Your independence is more important than the financial security of a husband.

Always a hard lesson…

6. Don’t kiss your boss on a job interview. Or ever.

Thankfully I have never had the opportunity to learn this lesson first hand…

7. “It’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy, and it is a big deal.”

I am not sure… probably because I am not male…

8. It’s fine to spend Friday nights in your pajamas playing board games.

Pajamas?

9. When in doubt, order pizza for dinner (or if you’re feeling extra hungry, “the Joey Special”).

Pizza is just a fancy version of grilled cheese… or is it the other way around?

10. And a foosball table is a perfectly good substitute for a kitchen table.

No.

11. Condoms are only 97% effective.

Yes… I learned this one twice…

12. Trust your instincts.

I have yet to learn this one…

13. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they’re necessarily right for you.

Maybe, but how can you ever stop wondering?

14. But your lobster is probably out there somewhere.

The only thing that came to mind was the B-52’s Rock Lobster. Probably not what Friends had in mind.

15. Once a friend, always a friend.

Until you screw it up…

16. Unless you’re over them, in which case, phasing them out is the best way to get rid of them.

Sure?

17. A chick and a duck are not good pets to keep in city apartments. Neither is a monkey.

Cats… always cats…

18. You’re never too old to dress up for Halloween.

Maybe not others… but I am over it…

19. It’s important to show your friends support, even if it means buying every newspaper in the city to protect them from a bad review.

Absolutely. And that is totally something I would do, in probably the worst executed way possible…

20. You’ll go on a million awkward dates, and might even end up on a blind date with an ex by accident.

I have never been on a blind date, nor will I.

21. You’ll do regrettable things with your hair, and there will be photographic evidence.

A year and a half ago. Perm. That’s all.

22. Getting older isn’t the end of the world — you don’t need to get drunk to survive each birthday.

And this is why age fluctuates…

23. If you work hard and stay persistent, you’ll end up with a career that makes you happy.

It only took a little over a decade…

24. Don’t be insecure about your significant other’s work life — jealousy ruins relationships.

I don’t understand… what?

25. Most of your money will go toward rent.

Yes.

26. And your apartment probably won’t be rent controlled.

Probably not.

27. Don’t be above taking odd jobs to make ends meet, like catering for your mom or playing a famous actor’s extra.’

Did I mention I at one point also worked at Hallmark?

28. Once you hit your twenties, you don’t have the luxury of relying on your parents as much as you used to.

Used to?

29. Your friends might date people that you don’t actually like.

Or marry them…

30. And your friends won’t always like your significant other, either.

It happens.

31. There’s an art to using a public laundromat.

I am not an artist.

32. Don’t be shy to tell your friends if you can’t afford to do stuff with them.

Sure?

33. It’s OK to drink mimosas with breakfast when you’re on vacation. And on Saturdays. And basically whenever you want.

Sure?

34. Be honest and communicate what you want to your significant other.

Well, I didn’t learn this in my 20’s, and if I haven’t figured it out by now…

35. Don’t feel pressured into getting married too young. Or ever.

No one tells you these things.

36. But if you do get married, don’t worry — you can have as many do-overs as you want.

Apparently…

37. You can’t run away to avoid your problems, they might follow you all the way to Yemen.

Moving solves nothing.

38. You shouldn’t steal your best friend’s significant other, and if you do, be prepared to sit in a box and think about what you did.

Casey doesn’t want me.

39. If you date someone decades older than you, you’ll eventually have to address how you want different things out of life.

I don’t know about you, but I just want chocolate and coffee. And maybe a nap.

40. NEVER bet your apartment. Especially if it’s rent controlled.

I have never had a gambling problem…

41. Making a pro and con list is a really easy way to hurt someone.

But what if you are making a pro and con list about whether you should order pizza for dinner, and pizza wins? Does the other person still get hurt? What if you promise to order their favorite toppings? “Look, I bring you cheese and things… you like, no?” How could cheese hurt anyone?

42. You can’t always trust who you meet on the internet.

Probably not.

43. Being good at poker is not gender-specific.

Sure?

44. Quitting the gym isn’t easy.

Endorphins are highly addictive.

45. It’s good to know what you want, but don’t overstress about the future. You don’t always need a “plan.”

I am still learning this…

46. Enlist help when building furniture, and make sure you get the measurements right.

Well, we have seen what happens when I put stuff together…

47. Building (and hanging out in) forts isn’t just for kids.

Um…

48. Searching for an apartment is awful. Always.

Yes, always.

49. Take advantage of free, delicious food when it’s just sitting on your doorstep.

This has yet to happen. But if anyone would like to volunteer to put delicious food outside my door, I will not complain.

50. Telling the truth will set you free.

Ha!

51. It turns out your siblings aren’t so bad, after all.

No idea…

52. Wearing leather pants can be a slippery slope.

No. Mine are amazing.

53. Spray tans might seem like a good idea, but they rarely look good.

Yes, we all remember my tiger striped days… (if you didn’t know me, or don’t remember, don’t worry, you are not missing anything).

54. You should go to your high school and college reunions, if not just for the laughs.

I missed mine.

55. And staying in touch with childhood friends could also result in career opportunities.

Yes.

56. Unagi isn’t just a kind of fish — it’s “a state of total awareness.”

No. It is not.

57. Self-defense is a skill worth learning.

And that is why I wear high heels…

58. Making friends with your barista comes in handy.

They are the keeper of the coffee…

59. Take care of yourself when you get sick instead of denying it.

Or I could just try to go to work with strep throat… that is also a possibility.

60. Shark porn isn’t a thing.

I have no words.

61. Some hobbies are better left in your college years, like playing the synth keyboard.

Or Dungeons and Dragons…

62. Just because you want something, you shouldn’t take out loans and spend a bunch of money you don’t have to get it.

This is very true.

63. It’s OK to have lazy days with your friends.

As opposed to what?

64. Most of your childhood fantasies were lies.

I am still waiting to grow a tail…

65. Be nice to your old, cranky neighbors. They’ll die someday and you’ll feel bad.

Um… ok…

66. It’s a good idea to have a fake alias, just in case you don’t want someone to know who you really are.

Sure?

67. Don’t agree to model or pose for something unless you know exactly what it’s for.

There are still pictures of me somewhere wearing a bright green wig…

68. PIVOT when you have to carry your new couch all the way upstairs.

Oh that couch… It took 6 people… Does everyone remember *the* couch?

69. There are seven basic erogenous zones. Use them all.

I’ve obviously been doing this wrong…

70. You shouldn’t borrow clothes from a friend without asking first.

None of us are the same size…

71. When you make a holiday dish for the first time, make sure you check the recipe.

And use a timer.

72. Your friends are the family you choose for yourself.

Yes, and we argue just as often.

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